domingo, 30 de diciembre de 2007

"I don't blame you for being you but you can't blame for hating it"

I for sure was very wrong about us. you.
I truly believed you. every word and every promise and every plan.
I really cared about you. and what we had, whatever it was.
and I still do care about you.
because I love you so much it hurts most of the time.

but now, I'm playing it safe. for good.
there's not a single person out there who's gonna be able to get to my heart again.
not even one. thanks to you.
that's why I hate you too. you really broke my heart.
and you can't even notice it. OPEN YOUR EYES.

you had me and, damn, you still do.

sábado, 29 de diciembre de 2007

"I guess I thought you had the flavour"

you don't care.
I knew it all along and still I couldn't see it.
but I can see clearly now.
you don't care and maybe you never did.
and probably I was just an amusement for you.
but thanks anyway. this is a big big lesson to me.
I'm not gonna trust my heart to anyone else.

never again.

viernes, 21 de diciembre de 2007

sábado, 1 de diciembre de 2007

what goes around...

and now I walk around without a care
she's got me hooked
it just ain't fair, but I...
I'm love stoned and I could swear
that she knows
think that she knows,
she knows, she knows.

sábado, 24 de noviembre de 2007

"you blew my mind, left me behind and now I'm living in your past"

this is not love. I know it.
love is supposed to be nice.
and this feels anything but nice.
I don't know what is it that I'm feeling but it's definitely not love.
I know simply because I'm alone in this.

viernes, 23 de noviembre de 2007

sweetest song ever.

There are people that say what you wanna hear
Even on a raining day they'll tell you the sky is clear
When you really really love someone
Am I right when I say that you want them near?
And if you can't even tell them things that they wanna hear

Always, forever
All things she said
Never say never
Those simple lies that she fed
I will never leave you
All the love I thought she had
But can you blame me, no
Cuz that's what she said
That's what she said
She told me we'd see forever
That's what she said, she said, yeah

And there are people that say what they really mean
She said she'd always be there
She said she'd always care
But just when you think that you can
Trust that someone you love
Tell me why, or do you know
How stars can fall from above?

Cuz you made promises
That you couldn't keep
But you're not hurting yourself
You're only hurting me
Why would you say things that you really didn't mean?
Oh how can I make you see
Just what you did to me?
Oh, you said how much you really cared
Just when I thought I was in love
Girl, how could you dare?
If I were you I could not lie even once
To the face of the one
That I love so much

domingo, 28 de octubre de 2007

hopelessly hopeful.

just when I thought it couldn't get worse
you made my life more miserable than I ever thought it could be.

yeah, ladies and gentlemen. it can get worse.

sábado, 6 de octubre de 2007

"I sung my song to Mr. Jimmy and he said one word to me, and that was 'dead' "

I want to open my chest and take my heart out so it cannot beat anymore.
I want to NOT feel anything at all.
I want to be heartless and soulless.

I guess you can't always get what you want.

domingo, 30 de septiembre de 2007

"I am in love with everything that is broken and sometimes I like it that what's broken is in love with me"

I love to sleep.
I love watching movies.
I love ice creams.
I love coffee.
I love my brothers.
I love my true, loyal friends.
I love music.
I love art.
I love my couch.
I love my teddy bear.
I love my mom.
I love to talk.
and I love you...

and I just can't help it.

viernes, 24 de agosto de 2007

...or rip me apart.

I want Brendon Urie back in my dreams.
I don't want to dream about you anymore,
because I feel fucking lonely and miserable everytime I wake up and notice you're not here with me.

I want you to want me. but you don't want me. so...
I want you out of my mind, out of my thoughts, out of my life.

it's an easy one: love me or leave me. you choose.

miércoles, 22 de agosto de 2007

i am overly pessimistic. i only see the worst in everything.

Illness &
So I choose death.

I'm boring.

jueves, 16 de agosto de 2007

"i have let rage, sadness, and jealousy ruin every single aspect of my life"

that's just how I go.
I hate this.
always wondering what people thinks about me.
always trying to be friends with everybody.
always pretending. faking smiles the whole time.
I'm dying to be a normal girl.
I want to love somebody. I want to let somebody love me.
I want to say "fuck you" when I don't like someone and don't have to deal with my conscience late at night.
I want to look at the mirror and say "hi" instead of "I hate you".
I want to be excited about life everytime I wake up.
I want to not worry.
I want to say to the world how I feel about you.
I want the fear to go away.
I want to not wish impossible things.
I want to dream less more.
I want my life to change.
but then I realize that no matter how hard you wish things to change, they won't.

unless you do something to change them.

domingo, 12 de agosto de 2007

pants on fire.

you were my friend.
and you stabbed me in the back.
I'm not able to trust anyone now.
you simply destroyed all the things I had mend in this few months.
self-confidence, security, even my black broken heart.
but you had to open your mouth and screw everything up.
you really fucked things up this time.

sábado, 11 de agosto de 2007

"birth and death are just the bookends, no one explains how to find happiness in between"

this is my favourite story. it's about a girl.
I thought about her a lot last night. maybe cause I kinda miss her.
she was me. I was her. but she's gone.
she died a few months ago. esophagus cancer.
pretty sad, huh?
my passtime was staring at her. watch her moves.
but she didn't even knew who I was - I guess that neither did I.
well, as I was saying... she was pretty and sweet and innocent.
and most of all she was happy about her life.
but then... something happened.
he got sick. and so did she.
what comes between that and the years that followed are just hospital beds and pills. and a lot of tears.
she was pretty much a fighter. I mean... she had guts. she fought against it all. she tried everything. she really wanted to save us all.
me, him, herself.
but she couldn't. so she gave up.
I stand by her the whole time. I have to say I already knew the end of the story. I guess I was just waiting. I mean, that's all I could do.
and then, he died. and so did she.
and I am here. all alone. and I miss them both to death.
I miss him 'cause he was under my skin.
and I miss her because she was all I wanted to be. she was strong, she was hopeful, she wasn't afraid of happiness. she was complete.
and I just can't be complete without them.

martes, 7 de agosto de 2007

lunes, 23 de julio de 2007

I have a lot of reasons to smile lately. but I still can't do it sincerely.


I knew it. it was all a big fat lie.
but I still believed it.

I HATE MYSELF. asdkamsdka fuck.
I wanted to... I don't know.
I guess I just wanted to feel.
well... hurt is what I got. and I can really feel it.


miércoles, 18 de julio de 2007

you win some. you lose some.

4 o'clock in the fucking morning.
and I don't even know why I was crying.

lunes, 16 de julio de 2007

no heartbeat.

John Malkovich said yesterday:

I'm starting to think dead people are lucky.

I couldn't agree more.

domingo, 15 de julio de 2007

"can't remember the good old days. just can't forget the 'old' ones"

I don't know if that's what you wanted to hear.
but that's what I feel.
and I'm not playing the victim,
and you fucking know it.
I'm just useless.
and I've told you this hundreds of times.
I can't do anything by myself.
I need people to tell me what they want me to do.
so, stop the circus.
and just tell me what can I do to help you.
because I just don't know.

unfortunately, I am what I am.
I am this.
and I don't know how to be someone else.

I never asked you to do anything for me.
I'm forever thankful for everything you've done.
but you don't have to do things you don't wanna do just to make me feel better.

don't be my friend because you want things in return.
be my friend because you just want to.

sábado, 14 de julio de 2007

he pointed out how selfish it would be to kill myself so I keep waking up.

I am funny.
I mean, I've been seeing the same face in the mirror for more than twenty years.
and every fucking time I'm going to look at it...
I close my eyes and wish hard for her to be there.
her or at least anyone else.
but I just keep bumping into the same old face.

damn. I HATE YOU. please die.

viernes, 13 de julio de 2007

martes, 10 de julio de 2007

"I'd do anything to keep this going forever"

I really felt the distance today.
not only the physical one.
maybe it's my fault. I don't know.
I just want things to be like they were six months ago.
without all the jealousy. without the rage.
but at the same time, I know I'm better now than I was six months ago.
and you know it as well.
so please. forget about it all.
my new "kinda happy" me. your old sad yourself.
just keep walking with me.
take my hand. trust in me like you used to.
I can't keep losing the people I love.
I can't stand losing you.

lunes, 9 de julio de 2007

"there are so many people asleep in my house right now but none of them are you"

lately, I can't even trust myself anymore.
I need to shut the fuck up.
but the words are coming out of my mouth and I cannot stop them.
I'm open...
and right now, if you could lean a little bit closer, you'd see the scars...
those I've triying to hide for so long.
I need to close myself again. I need to close myself to you.

I am anything but what you think I am.