lunes, 23 de julio de 2007

I have a lot of reasons to smile lately. but I still can't do it sincerely.


I knew it. it was all a big fat lie.
but I still believed it.

I HATE MYSELF. asdkamsdka fuck.
I wanted to... I don't know.
I guess I just wanted to feel.
well... hurt is what I got. and I can really feel it.


miércoles, 18 de julio de 2007

you win some. you lose some.

4 o'clock in the fucking morning.
and I don't even know why I was crying.

lunes, 16 de julio de 2007

no heartbeat.

John Malkovich said yesterday:

I'm starting to think dead people are lucky.

I couldn't agree more.

domingo, 15 de julio de 2007

"can't remember the good old days. just can't forget the 'old' ones"

I don't know if that's what you wanted to hear.
but that's what I feel.
and I'm not playing the victim,
and you fucking know it.
I'm just useless.
and I've told you this hundreds of times.
I can't do anything by myself.
I need people to tell me what they want me to do.
so, stop the circus.
and just tell me what can I do to help you.
because I just don't know.

unfortunately, I am what I am.
I am this.
and I don't know how to be someone else.

I never asked you to do anything for me.
I'm forever thankful for everything you've done.
but you don't have to do things you don't wanna do just to make me feel better.

don't be my friend because you want things in return.
be my friend because you just want to.

sábado, 14 de julio de 2007

he pointed out how selfish it would be to kill myself so I keep waking up.

I am funny.
I mean, I've been seeing the same face in the mirror for more than twenty years.
and every fucking time I'm going to look at it...
I close my eyes and wish hard for her to be there.
her or at least anyone else.
but I just keep bumping into the same old face.

damn. I HATE YOU. please die.

viernes, 13 de julio de 2007

martes, 10 de julio de 2007

"I'd do anything to keep this going forever"

I really felt the distance today.
not only the physical one.
maybe it's my fault. I don't know.
I just want things to be like they were six months ago.
without all the jealousy. without the rage.
but at the same time, I know I'm better now than I was six months ago.
and you know it as well.
so please. forget about it all.
my new "kinda happy" me. your old sad yourself.
just keep walking with me.
take my hand. trust in me like you used to.
I can't keep losing the people I love.
I can't stand losing you.

lunes, 9 de julio de 2007

"there are so many people asleep in my house right now but none of them are you"

lately, I can't even trust myself anymore.
I need to shut the fuck up.
but the words are coming out of my mouth and I cannot stop them.
I'm open...
and right now, if you could lean a little bit closer, you'd see the scars...
those I've triying to hide for so long.
I need to close myself again. I need to close myself to you.

I am anything but what you think I am.