viernes, 24 de agosto de 2007

...or rip me apart.

I want Brendon Urie back in my dreams.
I don't want to dream about you anymore,
because I feel fucking lonely and miserable everytime I wake up and notice you're not here with me.

I want you to want me. but you don't want me. so...
I want you out of my mind, out of my thoughts, out of my life.

it's an easy one: love me or leave me. you choose.

miércoles, 22 de agosto de 2007

i am overly pessimistic. i only see the worst in everything.

Illness &
So I choose death.

I'm boring.

jueves, 16 de agosto de 2007

"i have let rage, sadness, and jealousy ruin every single aspect of my life"

that's just how I go.
I hate this.
always wondering what people thinks about me.
always trying to be friends with everybody.
always pretending. faking smiles the whole time.
I'm dying to be a normal girl.
I want to love somebody. I want to let somebody love me.
I want to say "fuck you" when I don't like someone and don't have to deal with my conscience late at night.
I want to look at the mirror and say "hi" instead of "I hate you".
I want to be excited about life everytime I wake up.
I want to not worry.
I want to say to the world how I feel about you.
I want the fear to go away.
I want to not wish impossible things.
I want to dream less more.
I want my life to change.
but then I realize that no matter how hard you wish things to change, they won't.

unless you do something to change them.

domingo, 12 de agosto de 2007

pants on fire.

you were my friend.
and you stabbed me in the back.
I'm not able to trust anyone now.
you simply destroyed all the things I had mend in this few months.
self-confidence, security, even my black broken heart.
but you had to open your mouth and screw everything up.
you really fucked things up this time.

sábado, 11 de agosto de 2007

"birth and death are just the bookends, no one explains how to find happiness in between"

this is my favourite story. it's about a girl.
I thought about her a lot last night. maybe cause I kinda miss her.
she was me. I was her. but she's gone.
she died a few months ago. esophagus cancer.
pretty sad, huh?
my passtime was staring at her. watch her moves.
but she didn't even knew who I was - I guess that neither did I.
well, as I was saying... she was pretty and sweet and innocent.
and most of all she was happy about her life.
but then... something happened.
he got sick. and so did she.
what comes between that and the years that followed are just hospital beds and pills. and a lot of tears.
she was pretty much a fighter. I mean... she had guts. she fought against it all. she tried everything. she really wanted to save us all.
me, him, herself.
but she couldn't. so she gave up.
I stand by her the whole time. I have to say I already knew the end of the story. I guess I was just waiting. I mean, that's all I could do.
and then, he died. and so did she.
and I am here. all alone. and I miss them both to death.
I miss him 'cause he was under my skin.
and I miss her because she was all I wanted to be. she was strong, she was hopeful, she wasn't afraid of happiness. she was complete.
and I just can't be complete without them.

martes, 7 de agosto de 2007